Facets of Disease

I wrote the following piece after my cousin, Sally, was diagnosed with cancer for the third time in ten years and in fact this time, though cured of the cancer itself, the told it all took on her body had her decide that at 42 she had had enough and an opportunistic infection took her life only a month before my mother died.

My cousin has cancer again and beyond the tedium of the routine of treatment and the expected recovery lie the many aspects of the disease in her life and the lives of every member of her family.

In Sally, I see courage and determination liberally interspersed with a mixture of fear and bewilderment. Her assurances of prospects of recovery betray a loving concern for the impact of her illness on those around her and retaining their confidence in her ability to survive and a deep-rooted fear for the future, beyond the current bout of this vile disease that strikes a cord of fear at its very mention, “the C word” so scary that we sometimes cannot bring ourselves to utter its name.

In my uncle, I see a frightened, lonely boy desperately struggling to provide the manly support for his family as it faces another barrage of challenges, as if there have not been enough in recent times. “How much longer can I bear this before I burst?” are words he dare not utter out loud but his eyes reveal the deep love and fear for his first-born child and frustration at his own inability to make it all go away.

In my aunt, I see a gentle pillar of strength and source of infinite calm, pouring oil on troubled waters as family feelings inevitably boil over, her new-found faith giving her inner strength and an ability to contribute in ways she never knew she could. She faces her own doubts and fears honestly and peacefully but not without pain. She sees everything and listens carefully, providing comfort for each and every member of her beloved family.

And me? I am filled with love, compassion and a degree of melancholy yet I trust that whatever happens is meant to be and that Sally will live her life fully, no matter when it is destined to end and quietly I fear being less supportive than I would like for my dear cousin so desperately seeking peace of mind and spirit.