All Dignity Lost

As my mother fell deeper into the clutches of the dreaded Alzheimer's all I could do was be there for her, observing, loving, helping...

Picture this: a bright, vivacious, elegant and immaculate woman who makes friends of everyone she encounters; she charms the world and makes them feel important; she is special and she doesn’t see it for herself.

Then picture this: that once lively soul, sat staring into space, all clothing removed except a T-shirt; the blinds half open, all this for the world to see; she look up and asks who I am; I help her find underwear and put it on; I reach for her trousers wrapped in tights that have her sandals stuck inside them, clearly taken off in haste and hanging on the back of a chair, sodden.

It is painful to behold, all sense of dignity lost; bewildered, she doesn’t even know where she is. It seems so cruel, yet really it is we who now suffer as she slips deeper by the day into her illness. Amidst thoughts of blesséd release, I also recall the better days when, confused, afraid and vulnerable, she hugs me, clinging on to me for dear life and tells me over and over that I’ll never know how much she loves me and I reassure her that I really do and that I feel the same.

God, how I cherish those moments and they remind me how they would not be possible if she were dead and to value every moment of life we are blessed with.